How to recognise a Dwellor
These little dwellor’s are sneaky critters. Small enough to hide on your shoulder and whisper their hurt into your ear. They’re good at disguising themselves as ‘friends’ and can pop up when you least expect them. They can be hard to recognise at first, but once you know the shapes they can take, it’s easier to spot them.
- Envier – this dwellor wants what you have (your looks, your intelligence, your creativity, your talent) and when they can’t have it, they sow seeds of doubt in you. They tell you that everyone else is ‘perfect’ and because you’re not the same in every way then you’ll never be as ‘good’ them.
- Miner – in this form the dwellor tries to get under your skin with mean comments. They block your ears so you can’t hear the nice things people say about you, like “that shirt looks great on you, the colour really suits you.” They’ll only let you hear hurtful comments such as “OMG I have the same shirt, I didn’t know they made it in that size!”
- Feeder – constantly feeding you negativity. They remind you of every time something has gone wrong, of every argument and every mistake. They tell you that no matter what you do or how hard you try, it just won’t work so it’s not worth trying.
How to deal with a Dwellor
Self-esteem is how we see and feel about ourselves. Many people will have low self-esteem at some point in their lives. It can be caused by a number of things – comparing yourself to your friends, problems with family, problems at school, or problems with your health.
These feelings are temporary and you can start to build your self-esteem by:
- Challenge the negative feelings – Is there another way of looking at things? What advice would you give to a friend who was having similar negative feelings? Remind yourself of things that have happened which prove that these negative thoughts aren’t true. Maybe the thing that caused those feelings has stopped.
- Focus on the positives – Write down your best feature, the last time you received a compliment, the last time you did something for someone that made you feel good. These might seem like small things, but it is important to recognise all the good things about you, and the reasons why people appreciate you for being who you are.
- Find the right people – Spend more time with the ones who make you feel good, and less with the ones who don’t make you feel confident about yourself, or spend a lot of time criticising others.
- Get active – Think about doing something you enjoy or trying something new. If you already have a hobby, do it more often. But remember, you don’t have to keep plugging away at a hobby you don’t enjoy, just because you think you have to.
- Set yourself some goals – Choose something you know you can already do and challenge yourself – but keep your goals realistic. Achievements can give you a positive feeling and remind you just how much you are capable of.
- Tell someone – If you’re really struggling with negative feelings about yourself, talk to someone you trust, like a family member, teacher or school nurse.